Movin' Out

What is wrong with this picture? The bed is made!!!

Anyone that knows my Josh knows that this doesn't not happen regularly, without alot of persuasion and reminding. Normally, I would love to go downstairs and find his bed made. But this time, it meant that he was leaving. This has left me with so many mixed emotions. He has moved out a couple of times before - once after graduation and once for a mission. But this time feels different, feels permanent. The other times, I always felt he would be back. I felt there would be other times to talk with him, to teach him, to make up for all the things I had failed to do as a Mother. But last week (Saturday), he moved in with my Grandma and my brother, who also lives there. At his age, he will more than likely not be back here to live. He is starting his own life. Separate, in a way, from mine. This small truth makes me so sad. I know this is all part of the "big plan" and I am happy that he is moving on but sad that I feel we are entering a new era. This era is hard for mothers, probably fun for their boys.

It's the moment where you have to give them wings...and hope they know how to fly.

The moment that all you are left with is prayer.

I heard the perfect poem that sums up exactly how I am feeling lately.

It is called "Do You Know Who You Are?"

Do you know who you are little child of mine, so precious and dear to me

Do you know you're a part of a great design as vast as eternity?

Can you think for a moment how much depends on you holding the iron rod?

Your life is a glory, worlds without end, do you know you're a Child of God?

Do you know where you've been little child of mine, it's hard to recall I know

Do you ever remember that place divine and a Father who loves you so?

Do you sometimes recall how he took your hand and placed it within my own?

Saying here is a child from angel land, not a gift but a precious loan

Do you know where you're going child of mine, are your eyes on the road ahead?

Do the spires of His castle gleam and shine as the sun glows of golden red

Are you taking enough for your journey, dear; does your lamp cast a steady glow?

Can you hold to the course when the storm gets rough?

You'll make it my child I know, you'll make it my child I know.

This is my prayer for each of my children, now and always.

Once Upon a Time...

Last Friday after I had volunteered at Maddy's school, I took her and her friend, Brea to McDonald's for Happy Meals. This has been a fun tradition for Maddy and I over the last 2 years. I volunteer every other Friday (that's as often as my work schedule allows) the hour before lunch and then after, I sneak Maddy out for a Mother/Daughter "date." But lately, I have realized a disturbing pattern that has been happening right before my very eyes. Maddy is no longer interested in the Happy Meal "toys" anymore!!! She is still a small enough eater that the portion size is perfect. But instead of the the toy being the actual reason for getting the Happy Meal, it is now a nuisance.

When did this happen?

When did my daughter go from being my little girl to being a "tween?"

Further proof is that even though she will still sit down and occasionally watch a good Princess movie with me, she is rarely the one asking to watch it anymore. How sad this makes me! I thought we would always watch fairytales and happy endings together. Instead, she wants to watch TV shows like Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place. I didn't realize this stage would end so seemingly quick and abrupt. I didn't realize my little girl would grow up! So to all you mothers out there that still have their little ones little, treasure them! Snatch them up and hug them and kiss their cheeks as much as possible. If I could start over, I would definitely have more tea parties and play more "dress up" because it is gone in the blink of an eye and the "clock strikes midnight" on their "babyhood." So I am once again learning another lesson of Motherhood. So sadly, with Maddy being my youngest, my "Once Upon A Time" is almost once upon a time. But no worries, I know we have plenty of adventures left and we can still have our "Happily Ever After."

Multiplication Madness

Today I was lucky enough to sneak out of work and go and watch Maddy particpate in the Mulitplication Bee at her school. She was one of three students in her class that won a spot to be able to compete against the 6th graders. These are her 2 friends from her class that also won, Alexa (on Maddy's right) and Hallee (on Maddy's left.)

Who couldn't love this face?? Isn't she darling? She looks happy here but I think she was a bit nervous, too. I know I was! It's scary for a 4th grader to have to compete against a 6th grader!!

As you can see, each student stood at a white board. The 6th grader was to the right of her, also with a clipboard. They were given a flashcard with a multiplication or division problem on it and the first person to write the correct answer won that round. Maddy did great! She even beat the 6th grader on some of the rounds.

Although the 6th graders ultimately won, the 4th graders did great!! In fact, if they would have stopped the competition after just the multiplication, the 4th graders would have won...by quite a bit. But it looks like they could use a little more practice on the division in 5th grade.

But in our eyes, Maddy still won! She did great and had a wonderful time. It's so fun to watch your child work hard at something and enjoy doing it. We are so proud of this girl!

"Singin' in the Rain"

It's hard to tell in this picture but it is pouring rain outside. And my kids decided it was a good time to go and jump on the trampoline! It was so cold that I thought they would be right back in, but nope- they were out there a good 20 minutes, at least.

I was trying to capture how bad it was raining but it is hard to tell in these pictures.

But for those of us in the west, this was a pretty good rainstorm.

And as you can tell, it brought smiles that made Mom's night. I have always loved an occasional
rainstorm. I love the sounds it makes and the smells it brings. I especially love it when I am in the hot tub or snuggled in my warm bed, just listening. But these smiles made those things pale in comparison. It is so fun watching my kids be kids - spontaneous, crazy, getting-along type of fun. Nothing better to lighten a mother's heart.

Spring Sports

Although it doesn't seem like Spring has quite made it here yet (since it has been snowing today!), I thought I better summarize the sports we have enjoyed this Spring.
First of all - KJH Track. Jake ran in the 100m, 200m, and 400m this year and did great! He improved his personal time each week. Pictures below are from the final track meet of the year at Viewmont. They're not great but it's not easy to capture someone in motion, unless you're a professional photographer (or at least know what you're doing.)

As you can see from the long-sleeved Under Armor - even though it was sunny, it was still a very brisk day.

LOVE this picture of Jake! Isn't he so handsome, sweaty and all?

Now on to Soccer. Jake, of course, had a great year. He was on Coach Roberts team again and enjoyed playing after forfeiting the Fall season for Football. His coach has always been supportive of both of Jake's sports and Jake loves the workout the Spring season gives him. As you can see above, he is the light blue team #6.

Jake in action (almost). Like I said, I am not a professional photographer but I sure try!

And now on to Maddy's Soccer. Her team was called the Strikers and they had red shirts. She was #5 this year and her coach was Mike Jensen (and Fuhriman.) Soccer isn't Maddy's favorite sport (she likes Dance better) but she loves being outside, playing with her friends, and enjoying treats after the game. She continues to improve each year. It's so fun to see all these cute girls together. Most of them have played together since they were little. Unfortunately, several are moving on to Comp Soccer so this will be their last time on the field together. But they won their last game so it was a great way to end the year!

Look at that stride!

And finally, I had to capture this sweet moment of my 2 soccer players practicing together. Jake was trying to be the good brother and teach Maddy some of his "moves." I will miss these times!

Moving On

Josh got a new car! Okay, it's not new but to Josh, it's new. It may be a 1997 Honda Civic with 189,000 miles but hey, it fit it in his budget, and it's his ticket to FREEDOM. And you've got to admit, for a 1997 it looks pretty nice. A new cell phone and he's on his way. The only problem is...is Mom ready? Not hardly.

Oh well, time marches on.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful women in my life!

I'm sure this never happens to anyone else but Mother's Day is not always a happy day for me. Often I feel inadequate as a mother and guilty for all the things that I should be doing but that I'm not. Sadly, this year is no different. I thought after being a Mom for 20 years, I would have this thing down. I thought that I would have perfect children that loved each other, never fought, loved to be with our blissful family, and wanted nothing more to do than to go to church together on Mother's Day and spend time with me. Needless to say, that did not happen. There were still occasional jabs at each other, a couple of spats, and no one begging to go to church. But I do not fault my wonderful children. They are a product of their parents and as hard as we try, we are not the perfect leaders I had once envisioned myself being.

But to me, my kids are the perfect children. Each one of them wished me a Happy Mother's Day as soon as their eyes popped open. They are always so thoughtful to me and make my days worthwhile. Everyone of them (including my hubby) went on a walk with me to enjoy the beautiful Spring morning. (Although I did take a little slack over whether or not my walking was actually exercise or not. Hey, I'm getting old.) And every one of them brings something special to my days - Maddy, the bazillion hugs she gives me that never leaves me wondering if I am loved; Jake, the smile he brings to my face every time he teases me (in a loving way) or says something so witty that it takes me back to realize how fast he is growing up into his own person; and Josh, for the humility and sweet spirit I feel from him as he shares his love of the Savior (through music) with me. I feel so blessed to have them as my children! I love each one of them so much that sometimes it actually hurts to ever consider them leaving my little nest. I am thankful that at least for this year, I had all of them by my side. I couldn't ask for anything more.

So this year, I tried to look at Mother's Day a little different. Instead of missing my own Mom, or feeling guilty for my downfalls, or having silly expectations in my head - I decided to find true JOY throughout the day, to celebrate Motherhood! Because there is nothing I would rather be. So here are a few wonderful things about my day:

I LOVE the beautiful flowers of Spring! They just seem fresh and "motherly", don't they?

And these 2 beautiful tulips are from my cute little Ellie. Ellie is a little girl from our Primary class and she brought these for her church teachers. That sweet little gesture just made my day on Saturday.

And here is the beautiful fountain that Jeff and the kids bought me for my gift. I could sit out and listen to the water all day, it is so peaceful. Maddy also made me some darling magnets with her picture on them. What could be better than that?? She wrote me the cutest letter, too, telling me her 10 favorite things about me. My favorite was :

"I love it when she watches her big lady movies with me." How cute is that?? That's one of our favorite traditions - to rent "Chick Flicks" when the boys are out of town. It truly melted my heart! What am I going to do when I don't get these darling, handmade Elementary School gifts anymore? They are such a treasure!

And then to complete the day, Jeff showed me this nest that we have in our Blue Atlas Cedar tree. The mother has been sitting in it all weekend but as soon as I went to take a picture, she was gone (of course.) What a fun Mother's Day treat, though. Hopefully we will see babies soon.

So as you can see, I have had a fabulous Mother's Day weekend. With 3 amazing children, a good husband that cooked me dinner, and beautiful weather, what could be better? It's all in the way we look at things. I can choose to feel guilty, or choose to celebrate Motherhood. I choose to celebrate!

My Mom...Always in my Heart

"And maybe that was how it was supposed to be, how life unfolded when you lived it long enough. Joy and sadness were part of the package; the trick, perhaps, was to let yourself feel all of it, but to hold on to the joy just a little more tightly because you never knew when a strong heart could just give out.

-Winter Garden, Kristin Hannah

Today is my Mom's 65th birthday. It is also Mother's Day. The problem is, my Mother is no longer here. I know without a doubt that she is busily organizing the heavens, serving others, and spreading cheer. I know the Lord took her early for a reason...because she is special. She was the most amazing woman I've ever known. I know it's easy to immortalize those who are no longer here and remember only the good. But my Mom truly was good. She was the most selfless person I have ever known. She would truly do anything to help those she loved. It often wore her out but she worked serving others until the day she passed away. She was such an example to me for what a Christ-like person should be like. She was filled with His love and was a faithful follower to the end.

On this Mother's Day, I am so grateful to have this woman to honor - she was with me in life and continues to be in death. When my Mom died, I knew that she loved me and that she knew I loved her. That love we shared has left me with only 1 regret, and that is that my sweet children do not have her in their daily lives. But her goodness is in each of them. She has blessed their lives with her spirit. They will not forget that. We are now blessed to have this special "guardian angel" watching over our family. I strive to make her proud.

Since today is May 9th, I wanted to include 9 favorite attributes of my Mom:

1. Laugh. Her laugh was contagious. She was always nice to everyone and drew them in with her kindness and laughter.

2. Humility. My Mom never thought she was better than anyone. In fact, she often questioned herself and always wanted to make sure that she was doing all that the Lord would have her do.

3. Sense of Humor. My Mom was not one to get up and tell a joke. First of all, that would make her uncomfortable because she did not like being the center of attention. She had a sense of humor, though, nonetheless. She was self-deprecating not in a degrading way, but in a humorous way. She never took herself too seriously and know how to "lighten' situations. She could always make me giggle with her funny, quirky comments.

4. Grandma. (Okay, I'm not sure if this is an actual attribute, but it HAD to be included) My Mom was the best Grandma ever! She loved my kids as if they were her own. I never doubted her love for them and always felt at complete peace when they were with her. I knew they were as happy with her as they were with me. I can't imagine missing out on the "baby"hood of my children without my Mom being there. I am so grateful to her, for those very special moments we shared during late night feedings and all that she taught me during those crucial moments of Motherhood.

5. Reliable. This was another strength of my Mom's. If said she would do something, you knew she would do it. Part of this was made possible by her awe-inspiring organizational skills. If I needed to remember something, I would purposely tell my Mom because I knew she would write it down and remind me. We could count on her for everything... and we did.

6. Service. My Mom was a quiet, tender example of service. She was always taking food to people or doing random acts of kindness. She served all those around her but especially her family. She always served her church faithfully and was always striving to be better. Her service included unprecedented compassion. She truly "mourned with those who mourn." What a great example of love she was to all of us!

7. Fun! My Mom was a blast to be with! I loved our yearly tradition of going to Women's Conference together because I knew it would be filled with lots of Diet Coke, shopping, spirituality, laughter, and fun. What more can you want??

8. Faith. As mentioned above, my Mom was a woman of FAITH. My Mom did not have an easy life but her faith never seemed to waiver. My favorite gift I was given after she died was a statue of a woman on her knees praying. That was my Mom. In my mind, I can visualize her kneeling at her bedside. This single attribute has had such an impact in my life. Seeing her pray, I always knew there was someone watching over us. I knew there was hope.

9. Testimony. The greatest gift my Mom gave me was her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. For years, I relied on her's and my Dad's testimonies until I fully developed my own. I am so thankful that they raised me with these inspired beliefs. She has helped me see my own divine potential through her. I hope I can always follow in her footsteps. I am so thankful for the path she set me on and the example she was. But even more, I am so grateful for the love she gave me. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be able to call her "Mother."

I love you, Mom!

"Knight" of Excellence

I am so proud of this kid! This week, he and I went to an award ceremony at his school celebrating his academic achievemnt for this year (8th grade.) Although he considered it more of a punishment than a reward, I made him go and participate in the ceremony. I am just SURE that one day, he will look back and thank me for this wonderful opportunity. Okay, so it was at least 2000 degrees in the Gym and about 100 more people than there were chairs, and we really couldn't see since we were on the umpteenth row back, but I know he will remember it. Maybe I shouldn't have made him go but he has worked hard to get there and I wanted to make sure he felt recognized (whether he wanted it or not :). Plus, we got ice cream at Dairy Queen after so hopefully that made it worth it.

Jake puts his best into everything he does, everything. He always works so hard and I'm glad that he can see it pays off. So like it or not, I am paying tribute to his excellence. It brings me such peace of mind to know how responsible he is and that I don't have to worry whether or not he will complete an assignment. It is truly a Mother's dream. I am so lucky to be this kid's Mom and appreciate all that he does. Always do your best, Jake, and keep up the good work!

Sick days

Although I hate seeing any of my children suffer, I must admit that I love "sick days." As a working mom, I sometimes feel like I miss out on opportunities to nurture my children and be there with them during the day. Sick days give me the opportunity to do just that. My Maddy has been SO sick this week with strep throat, to the point that I was in tears worrying about her high fever and her little personality being so lethargic. She was just not herself. But now that she is feeling better, I look back with fond memories of 2 days spent snuggling, watching videos, tickling her back (which is her favorite!), sleeping with her, and just loving the sickness away. I know that serving others makes you love them more and I was reminded of that again this week. Whether they are 2 or 20 (or 9), I love being able to "mother" my children. Although I hate to see them sick, it is nice when they are in a humble spirit and appreciate your every move. (Because we all know that doesn't happen very often :) For me, it brings such a sense of satisfication. I am so thankful to have these small, magical moments in my life. Moments that slow me down and remind me of what really brings me happiness. How thankful I am for the simple things in life! Sometimes the small things in life are those that bring the greatest peace.

Sisters

"A sister shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams." -Author unknown

I wanted to take a moment and tribute my amazing sister. Isn't she beautiful? (This is her and I in 2006.) I was able to attend Women's Conference with her last weekend and although we did not take one picture to prove it (again), we had a great time! I swore I was going to take my camera this year and get some fun pictures but of course, I forgot. I was really excited now that I have a place to post my pictures and not have to feel guilty about them piling up, unused. Oh well, I'm sure I will have some fabulous pictures to share next year.

Going to Women's Conference together is a tradition that started 10 years ago (we think) when our Mom was still alive. Do we have any pictures of it? No! We only have the wonderful memories left in our hearts. We have often discussed how fun it would be to be able to look back and have pictures of the 3 of us together, 10 years ago. It would be fun (and sometimes scary) to see the changes - in our haircuts, our outfits, our shapes, and sizes. But I know the smiles would be the same because being together is something we loved, and still do! Stealing time away for "girl" time is such a treat. Even better is being with someone that knows everything about you and loves you anyway. It is great fun and cheap therapy. But for now, the only pictures we have are those left in our mind and the treasure of them left in our hearts. That is what really matters anyway. I can honestly say that we worried more about enjoying every moment together rather than trying to capture the perfect picture. And knowing the 3 of us, we would have never found a picture we all liked, anyway. I do, however, need to get better at telling my story - at capturing the special moments I am lucky enough to enjoy. Women's Conference would definitely be considered a highlight.

The longer I live, the more I learn that my Heavenly Father is watching out for me. What would I do without this sister of mine? Even more since Mom has passed away, I can't imagine not having a sister. (But don't think it has always been bliss. We used to hate each other, really. We left scars...actual scars. It's amazing what a little distance (moving out of the house) and maturity will do for you.) My sister knows my weaknesses and shares many of the same insecurities I have. She is just like me in that she is a perfectionist. She always wants to do better and be better. But I think she is great just the way she is. She is a wonderful mom, a great cook, and has such an amazing spirit! I wish she could see all of her strengths. She always says that she wasn't blessed with talents but everything about her is talent - the way she listens, the compassion she has, and the way she puts people at ease. She has a great way of being honest without being fake. But my favorite part about her is her smile. She has beautiful eyes and when she smiles, they twinkle. She can truly light up a room when she is happy. Everything about my sister is genuine and I often wish I could be more like her. So to Michelle, I say thank you. Thanks for everything- for going to Women's Conference with me, going to classes, skipping classes, shopping with me (something we are both truly good at), laughing with me, listening to me, crying with me, not judging me, and most of all- for just loving me, no matter what. I love you!