Trials

Someone sent me this email today and I loved it so much, I had to share. I need to remember this during the hard times!

Sometimes we wonder, 'What did I do to deserve this?' or 'Why did
God have to do this to me?' Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing
algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving
away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if
she would like a snack, and the daughter says, 'Absolutely Mom, I love
your cake.'

'Here, have some cooking oil,' her Mother offers. 'Yuck' says her daughter.
'How about a couple raw eggs?' 'Gross, Mom!'
'Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?'
'Mom, those are all yucky!'

To which the mother replies: 'Yes , all those things seem bad all
by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they
make a wonderfully delicious cake! '

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us
go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts
these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have
to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a
sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can
live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we
might as well dance!

Sorrow

My Dad gave me an interesting article to read and I have been thinking alot about it lately. It is about sorrow. My Dad knows I have been through alot of trials over the past several years and at times have struggled to find the reasons and the possible lessons. Instead, I often feel frustration, confusion, and despair. I have even felt failure. But after reading this article, I feel differently.

I couldn't do this article by paraphrasing it so I am just sharing the bits and pieces of it that meant the most to me (in italics.) All credit goes to the author, listed below.

Sorrow is ingredient for growth
By Jerry Earl Johnston, Mormon Times June 24, 2010

Disasters, disease, drugs, duplicity - when prophets, ancient and modern, see such things, the feeling that surfaces most often in the scripture is "sorrow."

The Bible and Book of Mormon overflow with sorrowful prophets: Nephi, Alma, Mormon, David, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Hosea. Sorrow is part of a prophet's job description.

It's the same today.

And as I age - and age and age - I've come to believe that's not a bad thing.

In fact, sorrow in the face of suffering, is the best response.

We see alot of anger today about the direction of society; but I've never trusted anger, not in myself, not in others. Anger may be righteous, but behind its face lurks self-interest. We may claim to be angry over immigration, gay rights, war, pestilence, but usually that anger is because we've been made to feel insecure, uncomfortable, confused.
Anger is almost always about ourselves.

Besides, feelings of anger - like feelings of fear, jealousy, even happiness - leave little room for reflection and adjustment.

Sorrow does.

Sorrow turns our thoughts and feelings inward. We ponder, we try to understand, we change.

We constantly try to cheer up folks who feel sorrowful. We want them to "pull out of it."

But sorrow is how we grow, expand our horizons and see more clearly.

The pains of sorrow are almost always growing pains.

No one enjoys it. No one seeks it out.

But it has a purpose.

And those who weather deep sorrow often emerge as valiant souls.

I think of a quote from a Scottish minister Oswald Chambers. "You always know the person who has been through the fires of sorrow and has received himself." Chambers writes. "You never smell the fire on him, and you are certain you can go to him when you are in trouble...sorrow burns up alot of unneccesary shallowness."

Anger closes doors.

Sorrow opens doors - it opens the doors into the lives of others, the realm of revelation and the doors into our deeper selves.

If something good didn't come from sorrow, what would be its point?

I think this is such an interesting concept, to compare anger to sorrow. There are so many times through trials that I want to be angry, and I am angry but am overtaken by sorrow instead. I have worried that I feel things too deeply. But if my trials ultimately lead me through the "Refiner's fire" and teach me those lessons that I need to learn, they will be worth it...in the end.

I have experienced these growing pains...alot. I am so grateful to know they have a point. I have always known it but sometimes it is certainly hard to remember when you are in the "heat of the battle." Hopefully, when all is said and done, I will see more clearly, my horizons will be expanded, and I will be the valiant soul described above. :)

Perspective

I have been thinking about the trials of life alot lately. We all have them. Some are private, some are public. Some are personal, some are shared. Some have an end in sight and unfortunately, some are ongoing...and going...and going. But we all have them. This life is hard! It's supposed to be that way.

It never ceases to amaze me how 1 day, 1 event, 1 phone call can change our lives. And with those changes, comes instant perspective. Perspective about what matters most in our lives, about what we came to this earth to accomplish. When trials hit, suddenly all those things I used to worry about seem so silly -what we are going to eat for dinner, what time I have to get kids to ballet, soccer, or whatever, what I am going to wear to the Gala on Friday night (that I don't even want to go to, but have to for work) - all of this suddenly seems so unimportant. It is funny, though, how I seem to save a lot of money during these times as my life changes from reactive to reflective. (I'm trying to look at the good side :) As hard as difficult times can be, I am so thankful for them. They have made me who I am and who I am supposed to become. They make be want to try harder and be better.

When I decided on my word for 2010 - proactive - I had no idea how much that would mean. I thought it meant trying to be better and do more, to avoid letting life pass me by as I merely "survived" as a Mother. I wanted to plan ahead, work hard, and do great things! I wanted to have better Family Home Evenings, birthdays, more meaningful conversations with my children, be their listening ear and their shelter from the storm. I wanted to be proactive as a Mom so my children could look back on wonderful memories of their childhood and never wonder if I loved them or if they were the center of my universe. They would know! I wanted to do more than survive the chaos and busyness of this time of life, I wanted to enjoy the journey. Little did I know what the Lord had in store for me. I didn't know that he would "help" me in my quest to be a better Mom, to be proactive. I didn't know that being proactive would mean fighting to protect and lead my children. I didn't know it would mean teaching them that all, and I mean all that matters in this life is our family and our relationship with the Lord. Without that, we are nothing. It is why we are here. We must learn that what other people think of us or our family is not important, that whatever trials we may face, that the way through them is through the Spirit and through our relationship with our Father in Heaven. He is the one that can get us to where we need to be. He is the solution to our problems. So that is my quest. I am taking proactive to the next level. I'm not sure how. But I am going to rise to the occasion and be what I need to be for my family, whatever that is. It is worth the time, it is worth the effort, it is the only way to happiness and I know this to be true.

Life is a journey

"You'll be on your way up! You'll be seeing great sights! You'll join the high fliers who soar to great heights. You won't lag behind because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best. Wherever you go you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you. You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a Lurch. You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump. And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done." -Dr. Seuss

Sometimes (in fact more often than not, in my life) our lives take unexpected turns. My life has once again, taken an unexpected turn. "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss has been my favorite book for as long as I can remember. I think it was written about me. You see, I am a planner. I like to have a plan. I like to think it through, plan it out and dream about it. But sometimes, I mess up and often ruin my own brilliant plans. So I have become especially good at planning for other people. I'm especially good about planning for my children. I have such high hopes and expectations for them. I know exactly what they need to do to have a happy life and be good people. I have thought about it, planned it out, and dreamed about it. I thought this is what a good mom does. But as I get older and my children get older, I am learning.

I am learning that they may have different dreams.

That they may have limititations that I forgot to include in my plan.

That they are not me.

I am learning that they are on their own journey. And that's okay.

As my children get older, I am learning that my role is no longer to lead them, but maybe just to walk gently beside them. And as much as I want to control their destiny so I can assure their happiness, this is not right. It's not about me anymore. As good as my intentions are, they need to walk their own path to find out what their happiness is. This is not an easy lesson to learn. I am doing homework every day. I want to shield my family from the harsh realities and sadness of this world. But if I do this, they will not be strengthened for the next trial that may come along when I cannot be there to protect. So I am trying to let go. I am trying to have faith-faith in them, faith in myself and faith in God. I am trying to let them find their own path to happiness and just loving them with every footstep. I have no problems with the loving part. It's the faith that scares me. But I continue to pray that I can love my children enough to let them go, to be themselves, to follow their own dreams.

Because life is a learning process, life is a journey...

Lessons Learned

I have had several people ask me why I have decided to start a blog. I used to wonder the same thing about other people. I wondered who would care about my crazy life. And in the end, maybe nobody will. But for me, I am using it as a journal, a documentation of my existence - of my thoughts and feelings, lessons learned, and hopefully a few bits of wisdom. I figured at least one day my children and future grandchildren might be interested in reading it, right? Hopefully, in some small way, it will help them. Hopefully it will give them a glimpse of the person I am and the person I am trying to become and maybe they can learn from my mistakes.

I have thought long and hard about what should be shared in a journal. Do I list all my feelings - good and bad, no matter who might be affected by them? That seems selfish and careless to me. But sometimes I feel the need to put my feelings into words, to sort them all out in my mind, to help me wrap my arms around the issue at hand. It seems wrong, though, to permanently record negative feelings about someone or something. I mean, isn't it bad enough that we have to go through it the first time? And what if it hurt someone down the road? or painted a picture of someone that is no longer accurate? And yet I don't want people to read my journal or my blog and only see the "rosy" days and never truly know who I am. The trials I have been through have made me who I am today, they are a part of me. I once heard that sometimes it is best to leave the bad memories behind, and take the lessons we have learned with us. That is what I have chosen to do. That is what I hope to do by recording my thoughts. I feel that some things, both good and bad, are best left in our hearts-just for us. Some memories are either so painful or so wonderful that writing them down could never do them justice. So I choose to take only the good forward, and hopefully convert the bad into lessons learned. This is certainly not to say my life is always "peachy." I feel like I have had more than my share of trials. But I have learned that trials "invent" us. They have certainly made me a stronger person. They have also aged me and made me feel (and look) exhausted and "used up" at times. But they have also made me see the person that I want to be. I have learned that I need trials to refine me into that person. I have experienced such trials over the past couple of years. I am not yet (and don't think I will ever be :) at the point where I can say that I am thankful that I went through that. But I can mostly definitely say that I am thankful for the person it is molding me into. These trials have made me want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better person. I have a clear perspective of the person I want to be and the life I want to lead.

I had lunch with a very dear friend last week and I always leave her presence a better person. (Thanks, Sherry!) Somehow she is able to put things in perspective for me. She is so down to earth and keeps life "real." She has made me realize that I can't change others, no matter how lofty my goals for them are, I can only change myself. That is often a difficult and painful lesson to learn. I think we want the best for the people in our lives and being the control-freak that I am, I want to make sure that happens. But I am learning that that is not our Heavenly Father's plan for us. He loves us and trusts us so much that he has given us free agency. (Since having children, I have lovingly and respectfully referred to this as the "F" word.) I am learning that the only person I can (and should) change, is myself. That is our purpose for being here - to become better, to become like Him. Trials help us to do that. I need to spend less time trying to "fix" others and spend more time working on myself. I hope that my experiences have made me a more Christ-like, less judgemental person. If nothing else, they have helped me catch a glimpse of the woman, the Mother, that I would like to be. For now, trying to become that person, should keep me plenty busy.

Today I heard a quote that I loved. It says, "Life is an adventure but it wouldn't be an adventure without dragons." How true that is - Life is truly an adventure! We just need to learn how to slay our dragons. I'm trying!