Perspective

I have been thinking about the trials of life alot lately. We all have them. Some are private, some are public. Some are personal, some are shared. Some have an end in sight and unfortunately, some are ongoing...and going...and going. But we all have them. This life is hard! It's supposed to be that way.

It never ceases to amaze me how 1 day, 1 event, 1 phone call can change our lives. And with those changes, comes instant perspective. Perspective about what matters most in our lives, about what we came to this earth to accomplish. When trials hit, suddenly all those things I used to worry about seem so silly -what we are going to eat for dinner, what time I have to get kids to ballet, soccer, or whatever, what I am going to wear to the Gala on Friday night (that I don't even want to go to, but have to for work) - all of this suddenly seems so unimportant. It is funny, though, how I seem to save a lot of money during these times as my life changes from reactive to reflective. (I'm trying to look at the good side :) As hard as difficult times can be, I am so thankful for them. They have made me who I am and who I am supposed to become. They make be want to try harder and be better.

When I decided on my word for 2010 - proactive - I had no idea how much that would mean. I thought it meant trying to be better and do more, to avoid letting life pass me by as I merely "survived" as a Mother. I wanted to plan ahead, work hard, and do great things! I wanted to have better Family Home Evenings, birthdays, more meaningful conversations with my children, be their listening ear and their shelter from the storm. I wanted to be proactive as a Mom so my children could look back on wonderful memories of their childhood and never wonder if I loved them or if they were the center of my universe. They would know! I wanted to do more than survive the chaos and busyness of this time of life, I wanted to enjoy the journey. Little did I know what the Lord had in store for me. I didn't know that he would "help" me in my quest to be a better Mom, to be proactive. I didn't know that being proactive would mean fighting to protect and lead my children. I didn't know it would mean teaching them that all, and I mean all that matters in this life is our family and our relationship with the Lord. Without that, we are nothing. It is why we are here. We must learn that what other people think of us or our family is not important, that whatever trials we may face, that the way through them is through the Spirit and through our relationship with our Father in Heaven. He is the one that can get us to where we need to be. He is the solution to our problems. So that is my quest. I am taking proactive to the next level. I'm not sure how. But I am going to rise to the occasion and be what I need to be for my family, whatever that is. It is worth the time, it is worth the effort, it is the only way to happiness and I know this to be true.

Life is a journey

"You'll be on your way up! You'll be seeing great sights! You'll join the high fliers who soar to great heights. You won't lag behind because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best. Wherever you go you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you. You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You'll be left in a Lurch. You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump. And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done." -Dr. Seuss

Sometimes (in fact more often than not, in my life) our lives take unexpected turns. My life has once again, taken an unexpected turn. "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss has been my favorite book for as long as I can remember. I think it was written about me. You see, I am a planner. I like to have a plan. I like to think it through, plan it out and dream about it. But sometimes, I mess up and often ruin my own brilliant plans. So I have become especially good at planning for other people. I'm especially good about planning for my children. I have such high hopes and expectations for them. I know exactly what they need to do to have a happy life and be good people. I have thought about it, planned it out, and dreamed about it. I thought this is what a good mom does. But as I get older and my children get older, I am learning.

I am learning that they may have different dreams.

That they may have limititations that I forgot to include in my plan.

That they are not me.

I am learning that they are on their own journey. And that's okay.

As my children get older, I am learning that my role is no longer to lead them, but maybe just to walk gently beside them. And as much as I want to control their destiny so I can assure their happiness, this is not right. It's not about me anymore. As good as my intentions are, they need to walk their own path to find out what their happiness is. This is not an easy lesson to learn. I am doing homework every day. I want to shield my family from the harsh realities and sadness of this world. But if I do this, they will not be strengthened for the next trial that may come along when I cannot be there to protect. So I am trying to let go. I am trying to have faith-faith in them, faith in myself and faith in God. I am trying to let them find their own path to happiness and just loving them with every footstep. I have no problems with the loving part. It's the faith that scares me. But I continue to pray that I can love my children enough to let them go, to be themselves, to follow their own dreams.

Because life is a learning process, life is a journey...

From Trials, Come Blessings

"Life is full of problems. Opposition is not only unavoidable, it's essential. Without opposition, without problems big and small to test our resolve and stimulate our thinking, we would accomplish very little. Muscles do not grow without resistance and neither do people."

-Music & The Spoken Word