Memories of Grandpa

Since it is Memorial Day (yesterday), we thought some lovely frest flowers would perk up the cemetery. So as you can see, Jake cut us some beautiful iris' and lilacs. This is the look I get from him lately when asking him to pose for a picture. (He's just teasing, of course) Luckily, Maddy is still willing to give me a smile. This is me and Maddy at my Mom's grave. Not the place I would like to spend the day with her for sure but I always want her to remember her Grandma and the amazing person that she was.

Sadly, this year (November 2009), we added one more person to visit at the cemetery each year- my Grandpa. He was my Mom's Dad and lived to be 88 years old. I ended up having to speak at his funeral. My sister, being the oldest granddaughter, was supposed to represent the grandchildren but Colton was taken to the Emergency Room with a seizure just a few hours before the funeral. The funeral and spending time with my Mom's family, stirred up alot of feelings for me. I can't think about my Grandpa without thinking about my Mom. But I was happy to pay tribute to him and remember all his good traits.

You couldn't think of Grandpa without picturing him in his cowboy hat. That was one of his most prized possessions. I also love to remember their dairy farm in West Kaysville. That was so fun for me as a little girl to go on vacation to the "farm." I loved going to the milk barn and watching Grandpa milk the cows. But my very most favorite thing was to get to ride their beautiful black horse Smokey. I loved that horse!

2 other funny (well not really funny) stories I remember about visiting the farm was one time when I was riding Smokey, he got too close to a tree that had big branches that spread out over the driveway. Unfortunately, I didn't duck fast enough to avoid my eye getting cut by one of those branches. The other traumatic event I experienced was on an exercise bed of Grandma's. It was some sort of contraption that pulled your stomach in, while laying down, and then spread your body out. (Bad description I know but I have no idea what that thing was.) Somehow, my wrist got caught between one of the springs and pinched/cut the skin. It bled and bruised horribly and has left me with a small scar. Funny the things that kids remember, huh?

I also loved to visit Grandma and Grandpa at the ranch in Montana. There was nothing like it on a summer night. It was amazing to see all the stars! Unfortunately, when you live in the "city", you can't fully enjoy this because the city lights hide alot. But out in the country, when it is pitch dark, the sky lights up with millions of stars. I loved that!! I also remember going to the ranch when Josh was a newborn baby. Jeff was in school so I went with my parents to get out of town for a couple of days. Grandpa brought me out to see some new baby lambs they had. I have a picture of my Mom, baby Josh, and these baby lambs. It is such a treasure to me now! Grandpa always loved to show off his ranch and animals to anyone that was interested. He especially loved anyone to ride around the ranch in his truck with him so that he could tell his stores. Probably my favorite story from the ranch in Montana is Grandpa taking us sledding on tubes behind his truck once. I remember that Lisa and Wende were there and it was such a blast! Going to visit Grandma and Grandpa was truly going "over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go." I have such fond memories of both farms and consider myself a bit of a country girl because I was lucky enough to be a part of it.

But my most favorite memory of my Grandpa, I think, was at my Mother's viewing. He and I had a chance to sit alone for a few, quiet moments and watch the video tribute to my Mom. During a part that showed pictures of my Mom with her brother, Jack, who has also passed away, I looked over and saw tears streaming down my Grandpa's face. I knew at that moment, without a doubt, that he loved my Mother. He squeezed my hand and said, "I miss her, Neecy." What a blessing for me that moment was. I will cherish it in my heart always. I know that life can bring misfortunes and regrets. But it can also bring love and memories. I will always be thankful for those memories I have made with him. I love you, Grandpa!

May you rest in peace.

My Mom...Always in my Heart

"And maybe that was how it was supposed to be, how life unfolded when you lived it long enough. Joy and sadness were part of the package; the trick, perhaps, was to let yourself feel all of it, but to hold on to the joy just a little more tightly because you never knew when a strong heart could just give out.

-Winter Garden, Kristin Hannah

Today is my Mom's 65th birthday. It is also Mother's Day. The problem is, my Mother is no longer here. I know without a doubt that she is busily organizing the heavens, serving others, and spreading cheer. I know the Lord took her early for a reason...because she is special. She was the most amazing woman I've ever known. I know it's easy to immortalize those who are no longer here and remember only the good. But my Mom truly was good. She was the most selfless person I have ever known. She would truly do anything to help those she loved. It often wore her out but she worked serving others until the day she passed away. She was such an example to me for what a Christ-like person should be like. She was filled with His love and was a faithful follower to the end.

On this Mother's Day, I am so grateful to have this woman to honor - she was with me in life and continues to be in death. When my Mom died, I knew that she loved me and that she knew I loved her. That love we shared has left me with only 1 regret, and that is that my sweet children do not have her in their daily lives. But her goodness is in each of them. She has blessed their lives with her spirit. They will not forget that. We are now blessed to have this special "guardian angel" watching over our family. I strive to make her proud.

Since today is May 9th, I wanted to include 9 favorite attributes of my Mom:

1. Laugh. Her laugh was contagious. She was always nice to everyone and drew them in with her kindness and laughter.

2. Humility. My Mom never thought she was better than anyone. In fact, she often questioned herself and always wanted to make sure that she was doing all that the Lord would have her do.

3. Sense of Humor. My Mom was not one to get up and tell a joke. First of all, that would make her uncomfortable because she did not like being the center of attention. She had a sense of humor, though, nonetheless. She was self-deprecating not in a degrading way, but in a humorous way. She never took herself too seriously and know how to "lighten' situations. She could always make me giggle with her funny, quirky comments.

4. Grandma. (Okay, I'm not sure if this is an actual attribute, but it HAD to be included) My Mom was the best Grandma ever! She loved my kids as if they were her own. I never doubted her love for them and always felt at complete peace when they were with her. I knew they were as happy with her as they were with me. I can't imagine missing out on the "baby"hood of my children without my Mom being there. I am so grateful to her, for those very special moments we shared during late night feedings and all that she taught me during those crucial moments of Motherhood.

5. Reliable. This was another strength of my Mom's. If said she would do something, you knew she would do it. Part of this was made possible by her awe-inspiring organizational skills. If I needed to remember something, I would purposely tell my Mom because I knew she would write it down and remind me. We could count on her for everything... and we did.

6. Service. My Mom was a quiet, tender example of service. She was always taking food to people or doing random acts of kindness. She served all those around her but especially her family. She always served her church faithfully and was always striving to be better. Her service included unprecedented compassion. She truly "mourned with those who mourn." What a great example of love she was to all of us!

7. Fun! My Mom was a blast to be with! I loved our yearly tradition of going to Women's Conference together because I knew it would be filled with lots of Diet Coke, shopping, spirituality, laughter, and fun. What more can you want??

8. Faith. As mentioned above, my Mom was a woman of FAITH. My Mom did not have an easy life but her faith never seemed to waiver. My favorite gift I was given after she died was a statue of a woman on her knees praying. That was my Mom. In my mind, I can visualize her kneeling at her bedside. This single attribute has had such an impact in my life. Seeing her pray, I always knew there was someone watching over us. I knew there was hope.

9. Testimony. The greatest gift my Mom gave me was her testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. For years, I relied on her's and my Dad's testimonies until I fully developed my own. I am so thankful that they raised me with these inspired beliefs. She has helped me see my own divine potential through her. I hope I can always follow in her footsteps. I am so thankful for the path she set me on and the example she was. But even more, I am so grateful for the love she gave me. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be able to call her "Mother."

I love you, Mom!

It's the "Little" Things That Count

I was talking to my brother and telling him that I was not as good of a Mother as I would like to be and that I was really trying to be better. In particular, we were talking about my cooking skills (or lack of) and how I would like to cook my children better home-cooked meals. He taught me a very important lesson. He told me that whenever he thought of our Mom, he never remembers what meals she cooked. The thing he remembers are the dinners they shared together, just the 2 of them, just talking. He said he didn't care if it was a home-cooked meal or one she had him pick up at a drive-thru, he just enjoyed being with her and talking. Since she has passed away, those are his favorite memories - the "little things," as he put it. How true that is. I feel the same way. She did many HUGE things for us but she also did hundreds of little things that added up to mean so much. I have heard that children will not remember certain lessons we have taught them or events that we have planned, but that they will remember the way we made them feel. That is what memories are made of, the "little things." So treasure every one.

Today, I love the following "little" things in my life:

• Reading scriptures with my kids every morning
• Waving good-bye to Maddy each morning from the Living Room window
• Coming home after a long day at work and seeing my children dutifully doing their homework
• Singing Hannah Montana songs in the car with Maddy and her friends on the way to Ballet
• Looking up Jake's grades on the Internet to find that he has over 100% in several classes
• Weekly letters from my missionary
• Listening to 'songs from the 80's' on Jake's iPod in the car with him...LOUDLY
• Getting a note from Maddy's teacher saying that she has no missing assignments
• Sitting in the hot tub with the whole family on a cold night
• Spring walks with my honey(s) as the weather begins to warm up...FINALLY!

Just to name a few. I am so thankful for these small things that add up to be so much! I hope my family feels the same and treasures the "little" moments we share together. As I have learned with the passing of my Mom, life is short. Make every moment count!