Belated Birthday

Meet Chavo... This is the pinata that Josh's Spanish friends from work made him. Is that the sweetest thing? It just made me laugh when Josh texted me a picture of this seatbelted in his car with him. They had planned a party for him at work the day after his birthday but as you know, the day didn't turn out so well and Josh spent the night in the hospital. But they saved this little surprise for the following Saturday, along with cake and gifts. I'm so grateful that he works with good friends that make him feel loved. It sure brought a smile to my face!

Note: Apparently "Chavo" is a Spanish actor that they think Josh looks like.

21

21 reasons why I love this kid:

• Josh has a mischevious grin that always makes me smile. (And admittedly, drives me a little crazy sometime.)
• Josh is so laid back that it makes him so pleasant and easy to be around.
• Josh has a love of music that touches my life. Music has always been so important to me and him sharing that with me, makes it even more special. Some of the greatest gifts he has given me have been the "gift of music."
• Josh is a very spiritual person and seems to see the things that matter most in life.
• After falling down, Josh always gets back up - no matter how difficult. That is courage! He has had numerous trials in life that could cause him to give up but instead, he always gets up and tries again or tries harder. This makes me very proud! I think this single trait might be one of his most important because I know how hard life can be. If he continues this, I know he will be alright in the long run. We will all have trials in life and make mistakes. But it is those people who get back up, keep trying and learn from their mistakes, that will truly succeed in life.
• Josh is very caring of others. He has always been protective of me as his mother and is always worried about how I feel. It was also fun to see how much he cared about people in his mission. Although he was with them a short time, he still deeply cares for alot of those families. It's been especially fun to see him with this little, old man that was one of his investigators. He was so good to Josh and took him under his wing. It's so special to see Josh return that love and caring for this special man.
• Josh is alot of fun to be around! He loved to organize fun events with his friends and continues that with our family. He loves to be part of the action and being with his family. His sense of adventure often rubs off on the rest of us.
• Josh has developed quite a sense of humor and often brings a smile to my face with his funny comments.
• I love that Josh is a hard worker. Although it has not always been happily, Josh has always jumped in to get the work done and can work circles around most kids his age. I am so grateful that his Father taught him this trait because I know it will serve him well in his future.
• I love that Josh is so handsome - it makes a Mother proud. :)
• One thing that is special to me about Josh is his love for my Mother. Josh is probably the only one of my children that will remember much about Grandma. He took her death very hard. In fact, he started a "Grandma" box at the time to collect his memories of her. That was very special to me and has meant alot to know that her memory can live on through him
• I love Josh for his humility. He never thinks he's better than someone else and always has things about himself that he wants to improve on. Another great characteristic that will serve him wel..
• Josh's personality can draw you in. He is very charismatic and that makes you want to spend time with him.
• Josh is one of the most forgiving people I know and for that, I am truly grateful. I am so thankful to him for looking past my shortcomings and for loving me for who I am and who I am trying to be.
• Much to my chagrin, Josh is very independent. I don't think I realized how much so until the last couple of years. Sometimes it makes me sad because I am a control freak and love to "mother." But I now realize it is admirable that he wants to learn for himself. Independence gives him the freedom he needs to "fly." I just have to remember a quote that I love that says "you can have both roots and wings." I like that.
• I love that Josh is a natural leader. Although he doesn't always see it in himself, those of us around him can see his natural tendencies toward leadership and his ability to unite people. I am so proud of him for that.
• I love that Josh is a very loyal person.
• I love that Josh is so adaptable. He always has been. I think he had to be since he was our only child for almost 6 years. He just went along with us wherever we went and always handled it well. He pretty much just "goes with the flow," which makes him very easy to be around.
• One of the easiest parts of being Josh's Mom is that he is so easy to please. Josh is not a demanding person at all. He just appreciates what he has and rarely asks for more. Sure, there are things he likes, especially music and movies right now. There are also things he dreams about - mainly 4-wheelers and cars, but he doesn't ask for much. He's just grateful for the things he does have and for the opportunities that come his way. I think that's what life is about - finding joy in the blessings we have instead of always wanting something different or searching for more.
• Josh has always been good at building things. Even when he was little, he could put together complicated toys, like Legos. He loved to do that and it would keep him busy for hours. As he got bigger, I've noticed that he can take things apart, figure them out, and put them back together. He seems to enjoy it. As I thought about this, I realized that Josh often does this with his relationships as well. As he's matured, I think he has come to know the importance of relationships. It's fun to see him bond with others and to build his family relationships, too. I'm learning that Josh "sees" more than I ever realized he did. I think he likes to get to know people and learn what really makes them tick. I think that he likes to "figure out" people as well so that he can learn from them. He's been blessed with so many wonderful friends and leaders in his life! Hopefully he will use their good traits as his example to follow.
• My favorite thing about Josh right now is the calming effect he has on me. We have been through some very turbulent times in the past 3 years. It hasn't been pretty. But I will say, that when I can sit down and talk to Josh - actually talk- I get a glimpse of his spirit and it calms me. It sounds strange, but he has been able to do this since I was pregnant with him. He has always brought me a calmness. At this point in my life, when the world is scary and unpredicatble and times are hard, Josh often brings me the serenity I need. I pray every day that he can see his amazing spirit like I can. Because it is truly special!

It's hard to put 21 years worth of feelings and memories, worries and insecurities, joy and love, into words. I will save the details of all those thoughts swirling around in my head for my journal. But at this crossroads in Josh's life, I have to express gratitude - to the Lord for sending me 3 amazing gifts in my life to teach me the lessons only Motherhood could teach me; and to Josh, for sharing this journey with me, for being my "guinea pig," and for being patient with me as I wade through the challenges and lessons and the wonderful blessings of being a Mom.

I love you, Josh! I promise I will try to get better at letting go and give you wings to fly, but like I always tell you - you will always be my baby. :)

Finally 21!

Today my "baby" turns 21. I can't believe it!! I had heard that childhood goes by in a flash but I don't think you can fully comprehend it until you actually go through it. It didn't seem to go by quickly as I was going through the days of colic and daycare, then to dating and teenage worries. But looking back, it was but a moment. Hence my favorite new quote that I first heard in the last year: "The days are long but the years are short." How true! It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day worries and doing everything right, that sometimes we forget to capture the memory in the present. And to hold on to the feelings we have while we are having them and locking them in our heart to keep forever. Memories have flooded my mind of the day he was born- how I felt, what I thought, how scary it was. Sadly, I'm not sure I know much more today than I did back then. But I certainly appreciate the lessons more today than I ever could have back then.

Josh's 21st birthday was not what any of us expected. Josh was so sick today! He started feeling really sick yesterday so I took him to the Instacare so he could start feeling better by his birthday. Great plan, right? Well unfortunately, they gave us the "it's a virus" answer so we can't do anything but wait it out. So he took Ibuprofen 800 for the pain in his throat and kept trudging along. But by his birthday, he was only feeling worse! He had been at home all day so I talked him into letting us take him to dinner. I kind of made him go...I thought it would do him good to get him out of the house for some fresh air. Plus, it made me sad to think of him spending his birthday alone in my Grandma's basement- all day!

So he chose Olive Garden because pasta was the one thing he thought he might be able to swallow.

Grandpa M. joined us for the celebration. But I don't think it was much of a celebration for Josh. He didn't eat much at all and talked even less. He said it hurt too bad. :(

After dinner, he came over to unwrap presents. Uncle Jeremy brought him an ice cream cake. Josh usually loves those. In fact, he requested chocolate ice cream this year instead of cake.

But as you can see in this picture, Josh started feeling worse and worse.

(Josh and his uncle, and roommate- Jeremy)

Josh felt bad enough that he went home shortly after having cake and went to bed. Probably not the 21st birthday he had imagined. Luckily, he is a pretty good sport about these things.

But now to finish the story (Written 1 week later):

On Friday (the day after his birthday), Josh sounded so bad on the phone that I honestly could not understand what he was saying. You could just hear how swollen his throat was. I finally had to hang up on him and have him text me anything he needed to say because I could not understand a word he was trying to tell me.

So finally, after worrying about him all morning, I left work early and took him a frosty. You could visually see how swollen his tonsils were from the outside. I told him that I thought we better go to the doctor but he wanted to wait and just "keep an eye on it." I think it had something to do with the fact that his friend, Amy, was coming into town to visit him that night.

A couple of hours later, I got a text from Josh saying that he thinks we better go to the doctor soon. Being that Josh is so laid back, I figured it must be pretty bad. So I went to pick him up right away.

We first went to the Instacare. They originally thought he had mono but then after examining his neck, felt they better take a CT scan with contrast. So then we had to go to the hospital. Immediately following the CT scan, they told us he had 2 tonsillar abcesses and needed to be admitted right away. We spent 2-3 hours in the waiting room on IV steroids (trying to get his airways opened) and having his abcess drained. I know, gross!

We finally got to his room at about 1:30AM. Poor kid! Not a very fun week. Luckily, he only had to stay overnight and we took him home Saturday night. They IV's, antibiotics, and steroids did wonders. Unfortunately, after he gets feeling better, they will be removing his tonsils and he will probably be going through the same pain all over again. But with abcesses, the risk of infection going in the bloodstream is just too great.

So overall, it was a pretty eventful birthday...but definitely not a fun one! I could just kick myself for not getting a picture of him in the hospital, since it is his first (and hopefully last) overnight stay. I guess when you're having someone admitted to the hospital, you just don't think of capturing the "fun." But it would have been fun to look back on, I think. Since he felt so good after getting medication and having his good friends, Jon & Amy visit him in the hospital, I don't think it was too bad, as far as hospital visits go.

And since he was home from the hospital on Sunday, we were still able to have his birthday dinner of choice - Haystacks. His friend, Amy, came over for dinner, too. It was nice because it's been hit and miss with Josh, as far as Sunday dinner goes. His student ward meets much later than ours so it's difficult to coordinate schedules. Josh was even able to see Grandma and Grandpa O. today. They were nice enough to take Maddy home for the weekend while Josh was in the hospital. And then nice enough to bring her home on Sunday and visit Josh.

Josh is so blessed with wonderful friends and people in his life. And we are so blessed to have him in our lives! I am so grateful for him and the joy he has brought to my life. He has taught me alot of lessons as I have learned to be a parent, alongside him growing up. He has been so patient through my many mistakes and is luckily strong enough to endure all the "bumps" along the way, as we learn as we go. As I have always told him, he is truly our "pilot project." And he will always be my "baby." :)

Happy Birthday, Josh!

Toy Story 3 and Lessons of Life

I LOVED this movie!!

It always amazes me how touching Disney movies can be. They always have such great messages. Toy Story 3 was no different. I have loved the other 2 Toy Stories but this one even tops those. It is creative and funny and sentimental. And it portrayed so many things that I am feeling at this point in my life.

Both of our boys have always reminded us of Disney characters, especially when they were younger. Josh was Eeyore- very laid back and hard to ruffle, and Jake was Tigger- hyper and very energetic, he seemed to "bounce" wherever he went just like Tigger. Josh also always reminded us of Woody - loyal and caring, yet still laid back. And Jake is more like Buzz Lightyear - straight to action. Watching this movie reminded me of this all over again. As they showed old pictures of the other Toy Story movies when Andy was little, it made me wish that I had documented my children's younger years better. It continues to amaze me how memories you think you will never forget, seem to fade away so quickly. Things I loved so much that I thought I would never let go, now exist only in my heart. Now, much of my child-rearing years (at least small children) are behind me and I am my kids maturing and preparing to leave home. I think that is why I especially related to this movie because Andy is heading off to college. It is a message about letting go and moving on. And anyone that knows me, knows I do NOT like change! I struggle with it greatly. Part of it is my sentimental and sensitive personality but the other part is - I like my comfort zone. In this movie, I felt like the toys. I feel like my whole life is about my children. They are my highlight, my purpose in life and the result and reward of all my hard work. This is the way I like it. So I, like Andy's toys, have a very difficult time letting go. But once again, Disney has taught me a lesson. Letting go doesn't have to mean the end. It can actually be a whole new beginning, for everyone. Ultimately- Andy truly loved his toys, enough to let them go. Although they were all willing to sit in his attic for him to treasure occasionally, he allowed them to go so that someone else could experience his joy and his toys could be happy and have purpose. I am looking for the strength to do just that. As Josh can attest, I am not very good at it yet. I hope to get better at it or it will be a painful process for both me and my kids. But I am trying. My favorite part of the movie is when Andy's Mom gets emotional and tells him that she wishes she could always be with him. Andy answers simply, "You will be, Mom."

This is my prayer.

Movin' Out

What is wrong with this picture? The bed is made!!!

Anyone that knows my Josh knows that this doesn't not happen regularly, without alot of persuasion and reminding. Normally, I would love to go downstairs and find his bed made. But this time, it meant that he was leaving. This has left me with so many mixed emotions. He has moved out a couple of times before - once after graduation and once for a mission. But this time feels different, feels permanent. The other times, I always felt he would be back. I felt there would be other times to talk with him, to teach him, to make up for all the things I had failed to do as a Mother. But last week (Saturday), he moved in with my Grandma and my brother, who also lives there. At his age, he will more than likely not be back here to live. He is starting his own life. Separate, in a way, from mine. This small truth makes me so sad. I know this is all part of the "big plan" and I am happy that he is moving on but sad that I feel we are entering a new era. This era is hard for mothers, probably fun for their boys.

It's the moment where you have to give them wings...and hope they know how to fly.

The moment that all you are left with is prayer.

I heard the perfect poem that sums up exactly how I am feeling lately.

It is called "Do You Know Who You Are?"

Do you know who you are little child of mine, so precious and dear to me

Do you know you're a part of a great design as vast as eternity?

Can you think for a moment how much depends on you holding the iron rod?

Your life is a glory, worlds without end, do you know you're a Child of God?

Do you know where you've been little child of mine, it's hard to recall I know

Do you ever remember that place divine and a Father who loves you so?

Do you sometimes recall how he took your hand and placed it within my own?

Saying here is a child from angel land, not a gift but a precious loan

Do you know where you're going child of mine, are your eyes on the road ahead?

Do the spires of His castle gleam and shine as the sun glows of golden red

Are you taking enough for your journey, dear; does your lamp cast a steady glow?

Can you hold to the course when the storm gets rough?

You'll make it my child I know, you'll make it my child I know.

This is my prayer for each of my children, now and always.

Moving On

Josh got a new car! Okay, it's not new but to Josh, it's new. It may be a 1997 Honda Civic with 189,000 miles but hey, it fit it in his budget, and it's his ticket to FREEDOM. And you've got to admit, for a 1997 it looks pretty nice. A new cell phone and he's on his way. The only problem is...is Mom ready? Not hardly.

Oh well, time marches on.

Mis.sion.ar.y [mish-uh-ner-ee] - Someone who leaves their own family for a time so others may be with theirs for eternity.

I have been thinking alot about missionaries this week. I have such respect for anyone who is willing to leave their homes, their families, and all that they know to go and serve their God. I respect someone that believes in something enough to sacrifice so much. I don't know if I could have the same courage. I appreciate the example of service and sacrifice they are to me. I know they will be blessed. This week, I would like to thank "my" missionary for his work and his service. Always remember that the Lord is proud of your desire and willingness to serve a mission. We are so proud of your efforts, Elder Oyler, and thank you for the blessings your mission has brought to our family. We love you!

Mondays

Monday's used to be my least favorite day of the week - having to go back to school and work, all while the house is still a disaster left over from a weekend of "family fun." Uugghh!! In fact, I often start getting ornery on Sunday nights, just thinking of the pending mayhem. In addition, family night is on Monday nights which adds to the pressure of having a million things to do and not enough time to do them on the first day of the week. Now there are, of course, many proactive things I could do that would help make Mondays easier and make me a happier person. But hard as I try, they never seem to work. But now, I have a bright spot in my day. My son is on a mission. Now Mondays are "fun" days because I get to hear from him. He is serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and his preparation day is on Mondays. This is the day that he is allowed to email his family and let them know about his week. This is truly a highlight for me! He has always been quite independent so I didn't know I would miss him this much. But there is definitely something missing from your family when one of the family members is absent for an extended period of time. Mondays allow us to feel of his presence and share in his life. He is doing great right now and I am so proud of him! I am so thankful that he has chosen this for his life right now. It is such a selfless act of service and he is growing so much everyday! Following is a brief excerpt from this week's letter (names have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned):

My thought for this week is from Robert D. Hales. "With your own testimony of God, you will be able to bless your family, your posterity, your friends, your own life - all those you love. Your personal knowledge of God is not only the greatest gift you will ever give, but it will bring you the greatest joy you will ever have."
Me and Elder ... were talking about the growing we have had on our missions and how it really is us that has changed the most. We are beginning to see the big picture of things much better than usual. Its really cool to see. Its amazing in 7 months how much my attitude towards some things has changed. It really is testimony of this church that is everything to us. And it really does bless you and everyone around you.
I pray everyone will have a great week.

He is growing so much every week and really loving the people in the area where he is serving. Aren't I lucky to be his Mom? I'm so happy that he has brought some sunshine to my dreary Mondays. Keep up the good work, Josh! We love you.