Become - Time Out For Women (TOFW)

As you know, this is my word for 2011... BECOME. This was inspired by the upcoming theme for the 2011 Time Out For Women, a women's conference presented by Deseret Book. Needless to say, when I read this theme, it just stuck with me and I knew it was the word I was looking for to work on for this year. Because of this, I have SO been looking forward to attending this with my sister.



Sadly, our plans were kind of squashed when I found out that my nephew, Nicholas, was getting baptized on the day that I had already paid to attend. I was so disappointed! But we decided to still catch the Friday night session and it was well worth it! President Hinckley's daughter, Virginia Pearce, spoke about Mothers and how we can all have several people in our lives that "mother" us and how we can "mother" other people. She even had Eliza Snow come as a special speaker (actor, of course) - she was amazing! Sister Pearce talked how she was one of her heroes that she had come to know and love in the last year as she studied her.



The music titled "Reflections of Motherhood" was performed by Macy Robinson and was also fabulous! It just reminded me that although we all have trials, we are so blessed to be women - both daughters of Heavenly Father and Mothers! It made me feel better to realize that even though my life has not gone according to my plan, it can still be wonderful, just as Macy described.

I'm just so thankful to have these wonderful conferences and speakers to uplift me, motivate me to be better, and bring me a little closer to Christ. I have had such a passion for them over the past couple of years as a drink in the wonderful spirit that these occasions offer me. I just can't seem to get enough. And I'm especially grateful that I have my sweet sister to go with. We have so much fun! We both miss Mom dearly but I'm just so grateful that Michelle and I can still share so many laughs and soak in the Spirit together as we try to improve our lives.

My word for 2011

"All things are possible to him that believeth"

Mark 9:23

I think I have decided on my word for 2011:


BECOME




I want to become so many things.




I was considering my "word" for 2011 when I received the announcement for Time-Out For Women this year. This is a seminar put on for women by Deseret Book. I went to one last February on Hope and I was hooked! (Little did I know how much I would need that word to carry me through the year.) It was so spiritually uplifting and left me feeling good, not guilty. It made me want to do better and be more, yet enjoy every step of the learning process. It reminded me of those things that matter most. This year, when I read that the theme was Choose to Become, based off the scripture Mark 9:23, it just fit for me right now. I'm so excited to go to the conference and learn but until then, my head is swimming with all of the possibilities that I can work on, that I can become.

"This isn't about New Year's resolutions. This isn't about feeling guilty about not doing enough. This isn't about trying to do the thing you've tried to do a dozen times and failing again.

This is about BECOMING a little closer to the woman you are meant to be. And choosing one thing that will help you get there."

Doesn't that sound fabulous?? That is straight from the conference outline. And as I said, it just fit for me at this time in my life. I want to stop worrying and start living! I want to continue the journey that will lead me where I want to go. I feel like I have buried myself in worry, guilt, and regrets for the past several years. I want to forget that and be what and who I am meant to be... no matter what is happening around me. Does that mean I can just go into denial and ignore problems? Does it mean that I can shirk responsibilities and concentrate on only myself? Absolutely not! In fact, it means quite the contrary. The "me" that I want to be concentrates on others. Serves others. Yet finds happiness despite trials. In spite of the clouds, the light will always shine brighter. I want to feel that again so that I can become who Heavenly Father wants me to be.

I heard a poem by Karen Ravn that I love:

Only as high as I reach can I grow

Only as far as I seek can I grow

Only as deep as I look can I see

Only as much as I dream can I be

This year, I want to discover the possibilities...

I'm old...again!

The best thing about birthdays is...
Eating whatever you want (this is the best Mud Pie EVER! Made by Cold Stone Creamery for MacCool's) and...

Spending time with those you love...

Working Woes

I have decided that 2010 is my "Pursuit of Happiness" (and peace, and perfect mothering, and organization, etc. etc. etc.) I have really tried to look inside myself and decide what truly makes me happy and what I want my next 40 years to be like. I have read books, attended lectures, read blogs, read scriptures, and spent alot of time just reflecting on what is important to me. The good news is, I know what makes me happy and what brings me the most inner peace - being a mother, building our home and family, and creating memories. The bad news is, I can't do it full-time. Everything that has energized me, brought excitement, and compelled me to want to pursue further, revolves around my family - being a better wife, mother, cook, photographer, graphic designer (to preserve memories), teacher, etc. Reading and studying these things have truly re-energized me and made me actually want to be domestic. (Anyone who knows me well at all is laughing at this point, but it's true.) They have made me want to be better and helped me realize those things I really want to improve on.

But then yesterday, discouragement hit, as I realized that being the mother I want to be, to the extent I want to be it, is probably not possible for me at this time. Sadly, we have not raised those millions of dollars I had hoped to by now. So, although I feel extremely blessed with the wonderful job I have and the amazing people that I work with, I am sad to think of how much more I could have at home. Home feels so much loftier, such a more worthy cause. So for all of you out there that are lucky enough to stay home with your beautiful kids surrounding you, be thankful! Good days and bad, be thankful. I know the grass always seems greener and that days can seem long when you are fulfilling everyone else's needs but your own, but savor every moment. It is for a wonderful cause and there is nothing better that you could me doing. Nothing. As for me, I will continue to be thankful that I have a job, a good job. I have a wonderful family that supports me and loves me in spite of crazy mornings, being shushed through constant phone calls, emailing through movies, conference calls in my closet (for quiet), cold dinners (or sometimes lack of dinners), and a mom that is sometimes not as "perky" as she should be. I am thankful that in spite of my job, I can at least get my kids on the bus in the mornings, volunteer in the classroom (occasionally), taxi them to appointments, be home to serve those not-so-fancy dinners (usually on paper plates, I might add), and still be home to kiss their cute faces good -night at the end of each day. (Except Jake, who is in to a hand-shake lately. Of course, this is just to tease his mom.) For now, this is my life and I will make the most of it. (Even if it is a fraction of what those "other moms" do :) My theory is that the Lord sent me extra special children that can survive the trauma of having a working mom. I will continue to do the best I can do and even try to sneak in a bit more, because they are my priority. They are what brings me peace. Hopefully this new realization of time that I have developed, will help me spend the little time I do have on the things that matter most. THAT is what truly brings be happiness! My things that matter most are those 4 faces I come home to each day. (Well 3 for now, but you know who I mean) Thank you to my husband and wonderful children who bear it all with me, on both good days and bad. With them, I know we can get through anything!

Cookie Monster

Okay, this is kind of embarrassing but I just had to post this picture of my chocolate chip cookies that I made with Jake and Maddy the other night. While this is an insanely simple task for most people, it was near the impossible for me. Although my chocolate chip cookies from the past have tasted good (which in my defense, is the most important part), I have never been able to make them so they don't go totally flat with chocolate chip lumps sticking out the tops. Not very attractive. But since chocolate is a quest for me, I have not given up. This new recipe my friend gave me seemed to do the trick! After 40 years, I think I have finally found a recipe that will allow me to share cookies with friends and neighbors. Who knows? Maybe it was just my kid's touch? Either way, I just had to share.

One word

I was given an great idea-instead of overwhelming yourself with numerous goals to follow throughout the year, decide on a single word that describes what you would like to focus on for that year. in my constant quest to do more, be better, accomplish goals, and yet simply my life, this was the perfect solution for me. i will, no doubt, still have specific items i want to accomplish along with lists to help me do that but for now, i will focus on a yearly "theme."

The word i have chosen for 2010 is PROACTIVE. So many things have led me to this word but particulary, a women's conference that i went to that made me realize even more, that i want to be the best mother and best person that i can be! So much of my life to this point has been been "putting out fires" and just "getting by." I have decided i want more. I don't want to wait until i have more time to do the things i want to do and be the person i want to be. The time is now. With my crazy life - working full-time, chasing (and driving) 3 kids around (well 2 now), church work, family time, piano lessons, ballet, football, soccer, dentist appointments, helping at school, etc., i realize that this will take planning on my part. i don't want to wait until the fires are burning. I want to be proactive, not reactive, so that life does not pass me by. I want to have time to actually enjoy the ride!

40! And beyond

Believe it or not, I am finally starting a blog! Turning 40 this year has made me realize how short life really is. I heard a great quote that I absolutely love - "The days are long but the years are short." Where does the time go? I still felt like a relatively young Mom when I realized I am officially in middle-age!! My oldest son is away from home, serving a mission. My second is over half way through Junior High and my "baby" is soon to hit double digits. These 3 facts alone mean the days of my "youth" are long gone. But I think it is when my husband and I started "borrowing" other people's children to hold at church, that I realized that I am in a whole new phase. When you are the age that you remember your parents being, it is time to become who you really want to be. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute to this point. I have treasured each stage that my children have passed through. My only regret is that I have not documented the memories as well as I should have. When you are living through it, you think you will never forget who said or did what. But the years make the memories fade. I don't want to let that happen. I want to remember every wonderful step they take so that I can hold on to it and cherish it long after they are grown. I've always told myself that when I had more time, I would do this with my kids, or I would go there, or be that. I have come to realize the time is now. There are so many memories that I wish I would have captured, so many good intentions that went by the wayside, so many things I wish I would have done differently. But life is a journey and I am still learning as I go along. So I invite you along for the ride. Although I wish I would have had this blogging tool when my children were younger, there is no time like the present. Although I missed documenting their first steps, their funny comments, and all the tiny miracles in between, it is my hope that I can capture the magic of every day moments from this point forward. Although I feel like I their childhoods were gone in the blink of an eye, I don't want to miss one more minute of documenting what wonderful spirits are unfolding right before my eyes! To those of you just starting out I would say enjoy each moment, no matter how tiring. The diapers, spitting up, runny noses, lack of sleep and even fighing with brothers and sisters, lasts only a moment. You will never regret the time spent with these little angels. Even your hardest challenges will become wonderful memories. To those of you like me, who long to turn the clock back- make the most of your time now. Become who you have always wanted to be. And remember, that true happiness comes in the journey, not the destination.