Sorrow

My Dad gave me an interesting article to read and I have been thinking alot about it lately. It is about sorrow. My Dad knows I have been through alot of trials over the past several years and at times have struggled to find the reasons and the possible lessons. Instead, I often feel frustration, confusion, and despair. I have even felt failure. But after reading this article, I feel differently.

I couldn't do this article by paraphrasing it so I am just sharing the bits and pieces of it that meant the most to me (in italics.) All credit goes to the author, listed below.

Sorrow is ingredient for growth
By Jerry Earl Johnston, Mormon Times June 24, 2010

Disasters, disease, drugs, duplicity - when prophets, ancient and modern, see such things, the feeling that surfaces most often in the scripture is "sorrow."

The Bible and Book of Mormon overflow with sorrowful prophets: Nephi, Alma, Mormon, David, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Hosea. Sorrow is part of a prophet's job description.

It's the same today.

And as I age - and age and age - I've come to believe that's not a bad thing.

In fact, sorrow in the face of suffering, is the best response.

We see alot of anger today about the direction of society; but I've never trusted anger, not in myself, not in others. Anger may be righteous, but behind its face lurks self-interest. We may claim to be angry over immigration, gay rights, war, pestilence, but usually that anger is because we've been made to feel insecure, uncomfortable, confused.
Anger is almost always about ourselves.

Besides, feelings of anger - like feelings of fear, jealousy, even happiness - leave little room for reflection and adjustment.

Sorrow does.

Sorrow turns our thoughts and feelings inward. We ponder, we try to understand, we change.

We constantly try to cheer up folks who feel sorrowful. We want them to "pull out of it."

But sorrow is how we grow, expand our horizons and see more clearly.

The pains of sorrow are almost always growing pains.

No one enjoys it. No one seeks it out.

But it has a purpose.

And those who weather deep sorrow often emerge as valiant souls.

I think of a quote from a Scottish minister Oswald Chambers. "You always know the person who has been through the fires of sorrow and has received himself." Chambers writes. "You never smell the fire on him, and you are certain you can go to him when you are in trouble...sorrow burns up alot of unneccesary shallowness."

Anger closes doors.

Sorrow opens doors - it opens the doors into the lives of others, the realm of revelation and the doors into our deeper selves.

If something good didn't come from sorrow, what would be its point?

I think this is such an interesting concept, to compare anger to sorrow. There are so many times through trials that I want to be angry, and I am angry but am overtaken by sorrow instead. I have worried that I feel things too deeply. But if my trials ultimately lead me through the "Refiner's fire" and teach me those lessons that I need to learn, they will be worth it...in the end.

I have experienced these growing pains...alot. I am so grateful to know they have a point. I have always known it but sometimes it is certainly hard to remember when you are in the "heat of the battle." Hopefully, when all is said and done, I will see more clearly, my horizons will be expanded, and I will be the valiant soul described above. :)

Daddy Daughter Campout

This is Maddy enjoying the Daddy Daughter campout.
This is our friend, Berlyn Clark. She is younger than Maddy but their family are dear friends of ours.

And that is Berlyn with her Dad, Stan. Is that the cutest picture? Berlyn is usually very shy but when she smiles, it is the cutest thing ever!

And this is Maddy with her Daddy. She loved this swing and loved spending time with her Dad. They went up with Stan and Berlyn and stayed in their trailer. They stayed overnight and had a great time. I am so grateful to be part of a church that sponsors such great events, that leave us with lasting memories.

"Cruise-in"

Jeff's newly-restored 1966 Chevelle Super Sport...heading to it's first car show.

Love those wheels!

Red Hot!!

Quite a ride...

Jeff: With his car that he has had since he was 16 years old. Back then, it was white with a red stripe down the middle but after 20 years, Jeff has finally got it fully restored to original color.

Jeff, Maddy, & Jake. (Josh had to work) This picture was taken in line waiting for the Awards Ceremony. Jeff's car was one of about 40 cars (out of 1000) to be chosen for an award. I thought that was so cool! He has literally poured his heart and soul into this car and it is finally paying off. The only unfortunate part was that we had to drive his newly, meticulously polished car through a dusty arena and it made a mess! I think Jeff was a little heartsick when he saw how dirty it got but he was able to clean it up. The only other downside of the day was that Josh couldn't be with us. The boys have spent a ton of hours helping Jeff on his car. I just wish he would have been able to enjoy it with us. Other than that, the weather was nice, in the low 80's, and we enjoyed celebrating the holiday in style.

Here we are at the car show. I was surprised to see that Maddy actually enjoyed herself. Surprisingly, cars aren't her thing. But she had fun seeing all the cute dogs walking around and also taking pictures of all her favorite cars with her cute, pink camera. Jake, of course, loved every minute of it. He loves cars and there were some beauties!

We had to get a picture of Maddy by this cute, old truck.

And of course I had to get a picture of the Coca-Cola car. It would have been better if it said Diet Coke but I liked it, nonetheless.

Jake loved Tonka trucks when he was little so I had to get his picture taken by this monster of a truck.

And of course, we couldn't miss a shot with Bumblebee from the Transformers movies. Jake loves Bumblebee and Transformers and loves the new Camaros. This car was awesome! It even had the Transformers logo imprinted in the leather. So cool!

And here I hopped out of the car during a break on the parade route to get a quick picture. After the car show, they always have a parade of the classic cars down Main Street. It's alot of fun to see all the gorgeous cars and it was amazing to see how many people came out to support the event.

Waiting to get on Main Street...

View from inside the car...

Proud to be American!!!

That's all folks. What a great way to celebrate one of the many freedoms we enjoy. God bless America!

Party in the USA

We finally figured out our plans for the 4th of July weekend. I was starting to worry that we would end up doing nothing but it acutally ended up being a fabulous holiday.

On Friday, we decided to go up to Logan early for the Cache Valley Cruise-In on Saturday. That way, we could watch the fireworks with Jeff's sister, Tina, and her family and his Aunt Jane and Uncle Ray. We had seen them in awhile so it sounded fun. We originally planned to stay in a hotel to add a little adventure but Tina and Jane said we could just stay with them. So Jeff and I and Maddy stayed at Tina's and the boys stayed at Jane's.

We stopped at one of our favorite restaurants, Maddox, on the way up there. They have the best buffalo burgers anywhere. This is a place that Jeff has been going to since he was a little boy so it is fun to now share this memory with our kids. Plus, strawberry pie is in season and it is so delicious there that I can't pass it up.

Then we headed to meet the fam. We had a great time at the fireworks. It brought back alot of good memories for me of when we lived in Cache Valley and the times when we were dating and first married. Logan will always have a special place in my heart. And it's always nice to "party" with Jane. She adds fun to every event and always comes prepared with lots of treats.

As I sat an listened to the music playing with the fireworks, I felt such gratitude for the freedoms I enjoy. We are so spoiled in this country and we don't even realize it. I always feel nostalgic on the 4th of July and have feel such a welling up of emotion when I hear any patriotic songs or presentations. Although I have never been asked to sacrifice myself or any of my family members for service to our country, I am so thankful for those that have and the things they have given up for me. I truly mean that! I hope my children think of those families who go without their family members either temporarily or permanently, to protect our country and the freedoms it affords us. I also thought how grateful I am for holidays and time with family. It's amazing how beneficial just a short reprieve from the daily stresses can help rejuvenate my spirit. I love this holiday and especially the quiet time of watching fireworks where I can have a few moments to ponder on these blessings I have been given.

After the fireworks, we headed back to Tina's and visited until the wee hours of the morning...literally. I don't think we went to bed until almost 3 AM so when the alarm went off to wake us up at 7, I wasn't happy! But Jeff wanted to get his car registered by 8, so chop chop. :)

The kids still wanted to go to our local parade and since it would be a long, hot day just sitting at the car show, we decided to head back to the parade. Also, Josh had to work later so this took care of everyone. Plus it gave me a little time with my family. We met Dad & Shay and my brother, Jeremy, and his kids at the parade. It was not near as hot as it has been in years past so that made it nice. We even made time to go to lunch with my fam after the parade. We chose the restaurant that Josh used to work at which happens to be one of the only local restaurants other than fast food. It had chips & salsa and good Diet Coke, so I was a happy girl. After that, we headed back to meet Jeff at the car show and check out all the classic cars. It was fun because Jeff's car was one of the chosen few for an award. Pretty impressive! I think it meant alot to him.

We ended the evening with a stop at another favorite restaurant that we used to frequent back in our college days. I just had to have a Ham & Cheese Salad from Fredrico's. Although we missed getting back to the Clearfield fireworks with my family and Josh, it was an almost perfect ending to a great weekend. We even got "bonus" fireworks on July 5 in Layton. They were awesome! It was nice having the fireworks stretched out over several nights due to the Sunday holiday. We got to enjoy some of our favorites from the northern part of our state, spend time with both families, and celebrate our freedom. It really was a "party."

Sunbeams = Sunlight

Well I wasn't planning an entry for today but I just had to document my gratitude for a happy day. Jeff and I have been the Sunbeams teachers in our church for about 7 months. Although it is a calling with its challenges and you sometimes don't feel like you fit in, it is also a wonderful one! I feel so blessed to get to soak in these special little spirits. Their innocence and precious, little smiles are enough to melt anyone's hearts. I love watching their concentration as they are listening or learning something new, and watching their eyes light up when they see you. It truly makes my day! I don't take the time to appreciate it to this extent every week. Sometimes I just think of how tired I am and how I don't know if we're making a difference at all. Sometimes I wonder if it even matters if we are there or not because I'm not sure they are hearing anything I say. But then I get a hug from one of them or they beg to sit on my lap during Sharing Time or they tell me that they love me...and it makes it all worth it.

Another thing that makes it special is the opportunity of watching my husband teach these little ones. My love for him grows every time because I see him let down his guard and I watch their little spirits go to work on his heart. I can't help but feel my heart grow on those days. He doesnt think he is good at this calling but I think he's perfect. He always brings special props and experiments to teach his lessons and those kids eat it up. I am so thankful that if only for today, I was able to sit back and bask in the glory of these perfect little beings. They, and Jeff, brought such a peace to my day. We have such a wise Heavenly Father that thought to send these angels to earth so innocent and fresh so that we fall in love with them from the very beginning. I know it has worked on me.

Moonlight Bites

Last night was our annual "Moonlight Ride." This is a bike ride at Antelope Island that is held on the night of a full moon. It begins at 10PM so that you can enjoy the beauty of the full moon. Since Jeff worked at the county beginning in 1993, we have only missed this event twice. One was the night of his grandfather's viewing and the other was last year, when it was the only time we could squeeze in a 4-wheeling trip to the cabin before Josh left.

This year, with the release of the movie "Eclipse", the theme of the bike ride is "Moonlight Bites." The boys in our family serve as the mascots so this year, they got to dress up like Vampires. As you can imagine, we didn't have to twist any arms. Although they are not into the Twilight series, they all love vampire movies.

This shows a little of the preparation...

And the final product. Scary, huh?

Gotta love the purple hairspray to top it off. And man, that stuff stinks!

Here they are out at the Island. As you can see, the sun was pretty bright and it was hot!! We have to get there pretty early, like 6:30 PM, since we volunteer. It's hard to keep the make-up from melting off them when it's this hot. Luckily, that purple hairspray and some "special" gel of Josh's kept their hair slicked right back for the whole night. (More on that later)

Here is our family portrait- 1/2 vampires, 1/2 humans.

And here, we found Maddy a cape to go with her purple hair. She couldn't let her brothers use purple hairspray and not her!

She's too cute to be a vampire.

And last but not least, I had to show the bugs that Maddy and I endured to volunteer at Registration. I told her we were only going to there a couple of hours and we ended up staying until almost 11. And as you can see, it wasn't fun once we had to turn on the lights. There were bugs and mosquitoes everywhere! Maddy was a trooper, though. In the past, it has been our tradition to help out for a little while and then have a "Girl's Night." In the spirit of true volunteerism, Maddy got a little cheated this year. We still went home to watch a "chick flick" together but we both fell asleep before it was half way over. Oh well, we still had fun.

But the real story of the night didn't start until 2:00AM. As I mentioned above, we were worried about keeping the boys' hair slicked back all night. Josh offered his "special" gel. This is gel he found in Georgia that is made especially for African American hair. Josh's hair soaks up everything quickly (we used to call him "Grizzly Bear Hair") so this works really well for his gel. The key is that he only uses a teeny bit. Well they thought if a little bit worked, alot would be even better. Big mistake! After Jeff had washed his hair like 5 times to no avail, we realized we had a problem. Second, we tried Dawn dishsoap since it is supposed to "take grease out of the way." No go. Then Jeff had me bring in the GoJo out of the garage that is supposed to remove grease and oil off your hands. All it did for Jeff's hair was burn his scalp. Duh! I warned him. :)

Finally, after finding out that the ingredients consisted of petroleum jelly and fragrance, I started researching on the Internet. It was approximately 3AM at this point. They had several suggestions, including dishsoap, cornstarch, and olive oil. Jeff tried olive oil and dishsoap about 3 more times and it seemed to help. Luckily, that trick licked it for Jake. Jeff still had to go through that process about 3 more times the next morning but all is well now. Let's just say they shouldn't have to use conditioner for awhile. Funny side note: Josh said it came out of his hair in just a couple of washings. He must have used less than them. By the time that ordeal was over, we were so keyed up that Jake and I started a video at 4AM. I don't think my kids will forget this one for several years. Fun memories!

Toy Story 3 and Lessons of Life

I LOVED this movie!!

It always amazes me how touching Disney movies can be. They always have such great messages. Toy Story 3 was no different. I have loved the other 2 Toy Stories but this one even tops those. It is creative and funny and sentimental. And it portrayed so many things that I am feeling at this point in my life.

Both of our boys have always reminded us of Disney characters, especially when they were younger. Josh was Eeyore- very laid back and hard to ruffle, and Jake was Tigger- hyper and very energetic, he seemed to "bounce" wherever he went just like Tigger. Josh also always reminded us of Woody - loyal and caring, yet still laid back. And Jake is more like Buzz Lightyear - straight to action. Watching this movie reminded me of this all over again. As they showed old pictures of the other Toy Story movies when Andy was little, it made me wish that I had documented my children's younger years better. It continues to amaze me how memories you think you will never forget, seem to fade away so quickly. Things I loved so much that I thought I would never let go, now exist only in my heart. Now, much of my child-rearing years (at least small children) are behind me and I am my kids maturing and preparing to leave home. I think that is why I especially related to this movie because Andy is heading off to college. It is a message about letting go and moving on. And anyone that knows me, knows I do NOT like change! I struggle with it greatly. Part of it is my sentimental and sensitive personality but the other part is - I like my comfort zone. In this movie, I felt like the toys. I feel like my whole life is about my children. They are my highlight, my purpose in life and the result and reward of all my hard work. This is the way I like it. So I, like Andy's toys, have a very difficult time letting go. But once again, Disney has taught me a lesson. Letting go doesn't have to mean the end. It can actually be a whole new beginning, for everyone. Ultimately- Andy truly loved his toys, enough to let them go. Although they were all willing to sit in his attic for him to treasure occasionally, he allowed them to go so that someone else could experience his joy and his toys could be happy and have purpose. I am looking for the strength to do just that. As Josh can attest, I am not very good at it yet. I hope to get better at it or it will be a painful process for both me and my kids. But I am trying. My favorite part of the movie is when Andy's Mom gets emotional and tells him that she wishes she could always be with him. Andy answers simply, "You will be, Mom."

This is my prayer.