2nd Annual "Heart Attack"

We had our "Heart Attack" Family Home Evening that we started last year. Maddy especially loves this and I love how festive it makes our house look. Plus, I think whether they admit it or not, the boys love it, too. It's amazing how putting in a little thought and effort for someone warms your heart to that person. Josh wasn't with us this year either (although we included him in our love notes), but I just loved watching the effort that Jake and Maddy put into this - both thinking of thoughtful things to write and also carefully decorating each heart. I learned that Jake is very creative and quite the artist! It definitely helped my heart and made our home a little happier. I'm so thankful for them and the spirit they bring to our home.

21

21 reasons why I love this kid:

• Josh has a mischevious grin that always makes me smile. (And admittedly, drives me a little crazy sometime.)
• Josh is so laid back that it makes him so pleasant and easy to be around.
• Josh has a love of music that touches my life. Music has always been so important to me and him sharing that with me, makes it even more special. Some of the greatest gifts he has given me have been the "gift of music."
• Josh is a very spiritual person and seems to see the things that matter most in life.
• After falling down, Josh always gets back up - no matter how difficult. That is courage! He has had numerous trials in life that could cause him to give up but instead, he always gets up and tries again or tries harder. This makes me very proud! I think this single trait might be one of his most important because I know how hard life can be. If he continues this, I know he will be alright in the long run. We will all have trials in life and make mistakes. But it is those people who get back up, keep trying and learn from their mistakes, that will truly succeed in life.
• Josh is very caring of others. He has always been protective of me as his mother and is always worried about how I feel. It was also fun to see how much he cared about people in his mission. Although he was with them a short time, he still deeply cares for alot of those families. It's been especially fun to see him with this little, old man that was one of his investigators. He was so good to Josh and took him under his wing. It's so special to see Josh return that love and caring for this special man.
• Josh is alot of fun to be around! He loved to organize fun events with his friends and continues that with our family. He loves to be part of the action and being with his family. His sense of adventure often rubs off on the rest of us.
• Josh has developed quite a sense of humor and often brings a smile to my face with his funny comments.
• I love that Josh is a hard worker. Although it has not always been happily, Josh has always jumped in to get the work done and can work circles around most kids his age. I am so grateful that his Father taught him this trait because I know it will serve him well in his future.
• I love that Josh is so handsome - it makes a Mother proud. :)
• One thing that is special to me about Josh is his love for my Mother. Josh is probably the only one of my children that will remember much about Grandma. He took her death very hard. In fact, he started a "Grandma" box at the time to collect his memories of her. That was very special to me and has meant alot to know that her memory can live on through him
• I love Josh for his humility. He never thinks he's better than someone else and always has things about himself that he wants to improve on. Another great characteristic that will serve him wel..
• Josh's personality can draw you in. He is very charismatic and that makes you want to spend time with him.
• Josh is one of the most forgiving people I know and for that, I am truly grateful. I am so thankful to him for looking past my shortcomings and for loving me for who I am and who I am trying to be.
• Much to my chagrin, Josh is very independent. I don't think I realized how much so until the last couple of years. Sometimes it makes me sad because I am a control freak and love to "mother." But I now realize it is admirable that he wants to learn for himself. Independence gives him the freedom he needs to "fly." I just have to remember a quote that I love that says "you can have both roots and wings." I like that.
• I love that Josh is a natural leader. Although he doesn't always see it in himself, those of us around him can see his natural tendencies toward leadership and his ability to unite people. I am so proud of him for that.
• I love that Josh is a very loyal person.
• I love that Josh is so adaptable. He always has been. I think he had to be since he was our only child for almost 6 years. He just went along with us wherever we went and always handled it well. He pretty much just "goes with the flow," which makes him very easy to be around.
• One of the easiest parts of being Josh's Mom is that he is so easy to please. Josh is not a demanding person at all. He just appreciates what he has and rarely asks for more. Sure, there are things he likes, especially music and movies right now. There are also things he dreams about - mainly 4-wheelers and cars, but he doesn't ask for much. He's just grateful for the things he does have and for the opportunities that come his way. I think that's what life is about - finding joy in the blessings we have instead of always wanting something different or searching for more.
• Josh has always been good at building things. Even when he was little, he could put together complicated toys, like Legos. He loved to do that and it would keep him busy for hours. As he got bigger, I've noticed that he can take things apart, figure them out, and put them back together. He seems to enjoy it. As I thought about this, I realized that Josh often does this with his relationships as well. As he's matured, I think he has come to know the importance of relationships. It's fun to see him bond with others and to build his family relationships, too. I'm learning that Josh "sees" more than I ever realized he did. I think he likes to get to know people and learn what really makes them tick. I think that he likes to "figure out" people as well so that he can learn from them. He's been blessed with so many wonderful friends and leaders in his life! Hopefully he will use their good traits as his example to follow.
• My favorite thing about Josh right now is the calming effect he has on me. We have been through some very turbulent times in the past 3 years. It hasn't been pretty. But I will say, that when I can sit down and talk to Josh - actually talk- I get a glimpse of his spirit and it calms me. It sounds strange, but he has been able to do this since I was pregnant with him. He has always brought me a calmness. At this point in my life, when the world is scary and unpredicatble and times are hard, Josh often brings me the serenity I need. I pray every day that he can see his amazing spirit like I can. Because it is truly special!

It's hard to put 21 years worth of feelings and memories, worries and insecurities, joy and love, into words. I will save the details of all those thoughts swirling around in my head for my journal. But at this crossroads in Josh's life, I have to express gratitude - to the Lord for sending me 3 amazing gifts in my life to teach me the lessons only Motherhood could teach me; and to Josh, for sharing this journey with me, for being my "guinea pig," and for being patient with me as I wade through the challenges and lessons and the wonderful blessings of being a Mom.

I love you, Josh! I promise I will try to get better at letting go and give you wings to fly, but like I always tell you - you will always be my baby. :)

Finally 21!

Today my "baby" turns 21. I can't believe it!! I had heard that childhood goes by in a flash but I don't think you can fully comprehend it until you actually go through it. It didn't seem to go by quickly as I was going through the days of colic and daycare, then to dating and teenage worries. But looking back, it was but a moment. Hence my favorite new quote that I first heard in the last year: "The days are long but the years are short." How true! It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day worries and doing everything right, that sometimes we forget to capture the memory in the present. And to hold on to the feelings we have while we are having them and locking them in our heart to keep forever. Memories have flooded my mind of the day he was born- how I felt, what I thought, how scary it was. Sadly, I'm not sure I know much more today than I did back then. But I certainly appreciate the lessons more today than I ever could have back then.

Josh's 21st birthday was not what any of us expected. Josh was so sick today! He started feeling really sick yesterday so I took him to the Instacare so he could start feeling better by his birthday. Great plan, right? Well unfortunately, they gave us the "it's a virus" answer so we can't do anything but wait it out. So he took Ibuprofen 800 for the pain in his throat and kept trudging along. But by his birthday, he was only feeling worse! He had been at home all day so I talked him into letting us take him to dinner. I kind of made him go...I thought it would do him good to get him out of the house for some fresh air. Plus, it made me sad to think of him spending his birthday alone in my Grandma's basement- all day!

So he chose Olive Garden because pasta was the one thing he thought he might be able to swallow.

Grandpa M. joined us for the celebration. But I don't think it was much of a celebration for Josh. He didn't eat much at all and talked even less. He said it hurt too bad. :(

After dinner, he came over to unwrap presents. Uncle Jeremy brought him an ice cream cake. Josh usually loves those. In fact, he requested chocolate ice cream this year instead of cake.

But as you can see in this picture, Josh started feeling worse and worse.

(Josh and his uncle, and roommate- Jeremy)

Josh felt bad enough that he went home shortly after having cake and went to bed. Probably not the 21st birthday he had imagined. Luckily, he is a pretty good sport about these things.

But now to finish the story (Written 1 week later):

On Friday (the day after his birthday), Josh sounded so bad on the phone that I honestly could not understand what he was saying. You could just hear how swollen his throat was. I finally had to hang up on him and have him text me anything he needed to say because I could not understand a word he was trying to tell me.

So finally, after worrying about him all morning, I left work early and took him a frosty. You could visually see how swollen his tonsils were from the outside. I told him that I thought we better go to the doctor but he wanted to wait and just "keep an eye on it." I think it had something to do with the fact that his friend, Amy, was coming into town to visit him that night.

A couple of hours later, I got a text from Josh saying that he thinks we better go to the doctor soon. Being that Josh is so laid back, I figured it must be pretty bad. So I went to pick him up right away.

We first went to the Instacare. They originally thought he had mono but then after examining his neck, felt they better take a CT scan with contrast. So then we had to go to the hospital. Immediately following the CT scan, they told us he had 2 tonsillar abcesses and needed to be admitted right away. We spent 2-3 hours in the waiting room on IV steroids (trying to get his airways opened) and having his abcess drained. I know, gross!

We finally got to his room at about 1:30AM. Poor kid! Not a very fun week. Luckily, he only had to stay overnight and we took him home Saturday night. They IV's, antibiotics, and steroids did wonders. Unfortunately, after he gets feeling better, they will be removing his tonsils and he will probably be going through the same pain all over again. But with abcesses, the risk of infection going in the bloodstream is just too great.

So overall, it was a pretty eventful birthday...but definitely not a fun one! I could just kick myself for not getting a picture of him in the hospital, since it is his first (and hopefully last) overnight stay. I guess when you're having someone admitted to the hospital, you just don't think of capturing the "fun." But it would have been fun to look back on, I think. Since he felt so good after getting medication and having his good friends, Jon & Amy visit him in the hospital, I don't think it was too bad, as far as hospital visits go.

And since he was home from the hospital on Sunday, we were still able to have his birthday dinner of choice - Haystacks. His friend, Amy, came over for dinner, too. It was nice because it's been hit and miss with Josh, as far as Sunday dinner goes. His student ward meets much later than ours so it's difficult to coordinate schedules. Josh was even able to see Grandma and Grandpa O. today. They were nice enough to take Maddy home for the weekend while Josh was in the hospital. And then nice enough to bring her home on Sunday and visit Josh.

Josh is so blessed with wonderful friends and people in his life. And we are so blessed to have him in our lives! I am so grateful for him and the joy he has brought to my life. He has taught me alot of lessons as I have learned to be a parent, alongside him growing up. He has been so patient through my many mistakes and is luckily strong enough to endure all the "bumps" along the way, as we learn as we go. As I have always told him, he is truly our "pilot project." And he will always be my "baby." :)

Happy Birthday, Josh!

Maddy's 5th Grade Science Fair

This is Maddy's 5th Grade Science Fair project: "What Kind of Popcorn Pops the Best?" I often complain about these types of projects because I swear they are just as much work for the parents (if not more) than they are for the children. I still remember working on Josh's science fair project years ago and it was ALOT of work! (Luckily, he was chosen to go the the District Science Fair for that project on batteries.)

On top of that, Maddy had put it off until the last couple of days...

...so I was pleasantly surprised when I actually enjoyed working on this with her. It was fun to see her excitement grow as we got closer to completing the projecting, figuring the results, and planning out the presentation. (Plus, we got to eat alot of popcorn, for days to come) She really had great ideas and is starting to become so independent. She had a vision in mind and did a great job pulling it off.
It reminds me that we should always take advantage of these moments with our children, no matter how difficult or time-consuming they may be. Because in just a minute...they will be gone and only a memory.

I am so proud of Maddy for her hard work on this. Great job, honey! Looking forward to next year's project.

Side note: In 5th grade, they are not eligible to go to the District Science Fair. Otherwise, I am positive that Maddy's would have been chosen. :) Who wouldn't love that awesome piece of work, right?

Mothers Who Know

"There is eternal influence and power in Motherhood."

Julie B. Beck

I love a new year with it's fresh, clean start and new motivations to start anew. And along with that, come new themes. I love this because it changes my focus and allows me to think of new possibilities. Today at church, we had the most wonderful lesson on Motherhood. The Relief Society Presidency decided to focus on this for the year to help us realize that as women, we are all mothers in one way or the other. Her lesson was loosely based on this book:

I happen to have this book and it is awesome! I have also had the pleasure of meeting this author, Ardeth Greene Kapp, as she was my friend's aunt. Interestingly, she was never able to have children of her own. But as a Mission President's wife, she "mothered" hundreds of missionaries. She is such an amazing lady!

In our lesson, the teacher referred to the Stripling Warriors of the Book of Mormon and how they were valiant and strong. They attributed their courage and keeping the commandments to the strength of their Mothers. They were faithful and believed because they knew "our Mothers knew it" (Alma 56:48). Although the responsibility of this scares me to death, it also gives my great hope to know of the influence I can have on my children if I choose to live righteously and give them the strength and anchor that they need. That's a sobering responsibility but one that is also very empowering to me! She reminded us that we need to shepherd our children, just as the Savior shepherds us- with gentle guidance (not pushing), example, and unconditional love.

A few other key points from her lesson that I have to record so I never forget are:

• We work with our Heavenly Father to raise "our" children
• Heavenly Father knows our children even better than we do. And He has a plan.
• We need to teach our children to help and serve others. Ask who needs love and compassion at this time?
• Bear testimony to your children so that they have the absolute knowledge that the Stripling Warriors did.
• And when children give you a hard time, tell them "If I don't teach you this (specific lesson, ie. family prayer) I won't go to the Celestial Kingdom. Are you okay with that??" Loved that one! :)

She also referenced the talk "Mothers Who Know" by Julie B. Beck, RS General President. I think this will forever be one of my favorite talks. A few of my favorite parts are:

• "When Mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children." (I sure hope so! Because some days I wonder.)
• Mothers who know honor sacred ordinances. "They know that if they are not pointing their children to the temple, they are not pointing them toward desired eternal goals."
• "Helping growth occur through nurturing..."
• "These wise Mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most."
• Mothers who know do less. "They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home..." "They are willing to live on less...to spend more time with their children..."
• Mothers who know stand strong and immovable.

Kathy (the teacher) closed with the thought that again, as women, all of us are mothers, regardless of our ability to have children. I am so grateful for the blessing of my children in life and that I get to be a Mother! I wouldn't trade it for anything. I want to be a Mother that knows!

"Motherhood" is a state of mind, a state of heart.

My word for 2011

"All things are possible to him that believeth"

Mark 9:23

I think I have decided on my word for 2011:


BECOME




I want to become so many things.




I was considering my "word" for 2011 when I received the announcement for Time-Out For Women this year. This is a seminar put on for women by Deseret Book. I went to one last February on Hope and I was hooked! (Little did I know how much I would need that word to carry me through the year.) It was so spiritually uplifting and left me feeling good, not guilty. It made me want to do better and be more, yet enjoy every step of the learning process. It reminded me of those things that matter most. This year, when I read that the theme was Choose to Become, based off the scripture Mark 9:23, it just fit for me right now. I'm so excited to go to the conference and learn but until then, my head is swimming with all of the possibilities that I can work on, that I can become.

"This isn't about New Year's resolutions. This isn't about feeling guilty about not doing enough. This isn't about trying to do the thing you've tried to do a dozen times and failing again.

This is about BECOMING a little closer to the woman you are meant to be. And choosing one thing that will help you get there."

Doesn't that sound fabulous?? That is straight from the conference outline. And as I said, it just fit for me at this time in my life. I want to stop worrying and start living! I want to continue the journey that will lead me where I want to go. I feel like I have buried myself in worry, guilt, and regrets for the past several years. I want to forget that and be what and who I am meant to be... no matter what is happening around me. Does that mean I can just go into denial and ignore problems? Does it mean that I can shirk responsibilities and concentrate on only myself? Absolutely not! In fact, it means quite the contrary. The "me" that I want to be concentrates on others. Serves others. Yet finds happiness despite trials. In spite of the clouds, the light will always shine brighter. I want to feel that again so that I can become who Heavenly Father wants me to be.

I heard a poem by Karen Ravn that I love:

Only as high as I reach can I grow

Only as far as I seek can I grow

Only as deep as I look can I see

Only as much as I dream can I be

This year, I want to discover the possibilities...